It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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