if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
