Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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