The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
