All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
