saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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