We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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