Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
