my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
