i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
