I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
