he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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