put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
