pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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