whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
