took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
