I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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