fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
