Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
pray to the hookup gods
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
