a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Two words: blizzard sex
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
