I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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