found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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