can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
