Christians are straight up FREAKS
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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