How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
