for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
