I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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