NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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