fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You are the jesus of drinking
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
