8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
