I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize