So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
