I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
