My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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