Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
