Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
