I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
