She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
