It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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