I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
