I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
