this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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