you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
