Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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