I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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