I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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