you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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