By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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