Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
