Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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