she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
