I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
