remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
