my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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