He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
