her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
