Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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