My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
