So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
