This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
