u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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