Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
