so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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