Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
