Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
