Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
