My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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