I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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