Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
